42 – 43 years old, i am really not counting

i have had my own medical insurance for the past 15 years

i have never sought mental health services on my own

at around 14 – 15 years old, i had lived in a neighborhood the longest i had ever lived 3 – 4 years

i entered sophomore year tenth grade

my neighborhood community was unincorporated and did not have a high school, so our neighborhood commuted to another city’s school

our neighborhood, unincorporated town, was to our County and County media a “cesspool,” both environmentally and socially

my 10th grade english teacher had me sign up to be a peer counselor

i was trained by Battered Women’s Alternative and Oakland Men’s Project professionals, i continued with them until maybe high school graduation

that training and continuing involvement with BWA was really my only therapy ever

i am not counting a few forced visits to drug and alcohol treatment when i did not want to be sober

so yeah, i am in Christ’s rest, my burdens are before Him, i let them go

i am currently reviewing therapist counseling referrals from my medical insurance, because, i am interested in finding out some of my deeper hidden pains, that i can surrender to Christ

am i ashamed, pre Christ, all shame

post Christ, no shame, His Blood washes clean

how much more can He scrub me, wash me so clean