i was free in Him

He told me what to do

i did not

i got caught up in the noise, i relied on other peoples words, arguments, thoughts, viewpoints

now i did not complete what He told me to do

now i am free but at a greater cost than i was previously

now instead of ease which i was promised and order

now everything is out of order with no ease, a fight, a struggle

now i still have Him, but i have to rely on Him even more

now i have to rely on people even more, now i have to wait even longer, for other peoples schedules

because i lost the freedom and control i was given

and was not faithful in performing His task

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i was saved last april 2017, it was maybe a few months after being saved, God had it on my heart to get rid of all my possessions, to be able to travel light as needed

i had peace in that, it was not scary, it was not a loss to me

i was promised i would be filled even more on that act of faith

but i had not done it, i always ran out of time, or got sidetracked with life

now i am wandering looking for shelter, not traveling light, but in chaos, basic toiletries thrown in a bag,

sleep bad, food bad, no access to possessions, no access to the basics raiment to travel in

stuck waiting for others, on others schedules, now having to comply with protocols and standards, and appointments i previously was not obliged too

instead of having funds from possessions, i have lost all

i am now spending double what i had previously for shelter and food

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i lost the simple basic freedom i had in Him

for more to dos

i am sorry God, i confess, and i repent

i wait only on You

Your letter killeth me Lord, You allready knew of my disobedience

i thought i had more time

but You God, Your Spirit maketh alive

may I receive Your Peace and Rest Father, in Jesus Name